This will probably be my most personal and upfront post to date. When I decided to write about the topic of depression and post partum depression it was a week after Mental Health Awareness week. However I put off writing about it because I didn’t know how to get the words out and explain how I was feeling.
Post partum depression is a type of depression that affects both men and women. PPD is unlike the baby blues as it goes on for longer. After giving birth to Logan I experienced the baby blues which was completely common, however as the months went on I noticed I was still feeling low in myself.
Every month, my health visitor would come round and check up on me and Logan and see how we were getting on. Usually I am the type of person that does not like to admit when I am down or struggling, however my health visitor helped me open up to admit how I was feeling. Every single visit she would make me fill out a questionnaire called the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, which had ten questions and I had to pick how I was feeling over the last seven days, now there isn’t a right or wrong answer its just used to determine how the parent is feeling. Every week was different, some weeks I was feeling on cloud nine and other weeks I was extremely low not wanting to leave the house. The first time I did the EPDS, my HV sat down with me and asked me what was making me feel this way; I felt I went back to work way too early, I was missing Logan whilst I was at work, I hated where we moved to – as much Chelmsford is a lovely area, I was too far from family and friends and felt isolated, and lastly as much as I love my partner and he is the world’s best dad to Logan he wasn’t being as supportive and helpful as I would have liked him to be.
Currently at the moment I am feeling good in myself, I got a conditional offer from an university in Essex and I recently passed my assistant swim coach qualification. However over the last few weeks Logan has been teething really badly and having nappy rash and not being his overall normal self and its killing me ( I wish someone would have told me how bad a parent feels when their child is teething) and also we’ve now moved from Chelmsford to Hornchurch, I am now considerably closer to family and friends however the moving process with a baby is something I don’t plan to go through again until Logan is older!